No one outside of ourselves can name the “proper” way to communicate frustrations around situations involving misunderstandings and/or dissensions. There are endless “what-if”s, and not to mention all different ranges of temperament. I find that some of us tend to immediately offer our backsides to kiss and choose to vanish it all with ✨indifference✨. Others of us are on the opposite extreme, and don’t mind pouring every ounce of our energy into setting things straight. . .nicely, or not so nicely.
Most of us feel like we only pop-off when we need to do so, and remain passive whenever it’s just not worth it. Simply stated, what’s deemed appropriate for one particular circumstance may or may not do the same justice for another. At the end of the day, the way that we decide to respond to the things around us is important, and it speaks volumes.
Sometimes it’s the difference between exposing our suppressed insecurities and communicating from a solid place of confidence. Sometimes it’s the difference between giving up entirely, and attempting to display a sense of care.
Sometimes it’s the difference between advocating for ourselves, and continuing to be treated badly. Sometimes it’s the difference between inner-peace, and inner-conflict. The truth is that drawing boundaries with communication is hard. It’s draining to feel like you have to explain yourself at all depths. As the CEO of over-explaining, let me tell you that once you start, you can hardly stop. Ask all two of my ex boyfriends about the length of the paragraphs that I can type.
Even when I speak out verbally, I find out for myself (and I think other people also find out) that I can take the longest time to get to my points. Not only do I have to express everything that’s on my mind, but I also have to make sure that I don’t leave anything open for interpretation. Nothing. Today, I can admit that I’m probably also wasting my precious time by doing so. Much easier is it to send that “K.” , and go about your day. However, it probably won’t take long until you’re replaying the situation in your head and regretting not speaking your peace.
So what is the middle ground? How do we communicate effectively for both the sake of ourselves, and for clearing up miscommunication? How do we tell the situations that could use some of our energy apart from the ones that shouldn’t? Regardless of what it is that you’re trying to figure out how to go about explaining. . .or whether or not you should even bother doing so, here are the 6 things that you should remember:
- Things that are truly worthy, usually won’t need an elaborate explanation to prove it.
If someone can’t seem to see the worth of something that you find to be worthy, you’re doing yourself a major disservice by continuing to explain it. Energy speaks for itself. Everyone doesn’t have to value what you value, but if you’re looking for a common sense of appreciation, then you’re better off engaging with people who you don’t have to continuously persuade. Especially if we’re talking about the value of self.
- This is the age of technology. There is nothing that can’t be found out.
G-O-O-G-L-E. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel as if you have to explain anything to them. Google has all the definitions, and perspectives that a person could ever need and want.
- If you said it once, they heard you the first time.
Mistakes happen, but don’t let others waste your time. Better yet, don’t waste your own time. Most of the time, repeating yourself is uncalled for. Preserve your energy, and spend your time with people who listen to you the first time around.
- People can’t read your mind.
No matter how much you think “this should just be known”, remember that unless you have expressed it. . . it’s not.
- Closed mouths don’t get fed.
Speak up for yourself! If your needs are not being met, and you have yet to say anything about it, then you play a part in your neglect.
- Being direct avoids a lot of problems.
Don’t be afraid to just say what you have to say. Trying to beat around the bush is exhausting and may unintentionally cause even more confusion. Be direct and you may see more direct results in return.
It may take some practice, but you can absolutely communicate effectively. Over-explaining isn’t necessary, and under-explaining is just as destructive. Choosing to respond to situations from a middle-ground might save other people from a mean cuss out, save ourselves from overextending or exhausting ourselves out, and it could save some of our struggling relationships. It may even equip us with the tools that we’ve been needing to let go of our struggling relationships. Either way, always resorting to either popping-off or shutting-down is unhealthy. Hopefully, you now have some things to think about before engaging in either of the two.
XOXO, Wisdom